For this is all a dream we dream one afternoon long ago

Thu, 03 Jul 2008 19:50:31 GMT

i went to the beach
although it was fucking myrtle it was fun
i am going back in a couple weeks as a family
i drank way too much and still have way to much to drink
it sucks to come back too charlotte and deal with reality
i cant wait for the day i am rich enough to say fuck it and quit everything.
i fell off mt bike a couple days ago and got hurt really bad
i thought my foot was broken but it is sort of healing
my hands are fucked up
and i have scratches on my shoulders
all in all i love some people in this world and some i will not.

Thu, 26 Jun 2008 16:07:53 GMT

i will live my life to help others when i can.

life changes

Thu, 26 Jun 2008 16:07:08 GMT

William Zanzinger killed poor Hattie Carroll
With a cane that he twirled around his diamond ring finger
At a Baltimore hotel society gath'rin'.
And the cops were called in and his weapon took from him
As they rode him in custody down to the station
And booked William Zanzinger for first-degree murder.
But you who philosophize disgrace and criticize all fears,
Take the rag away from your face.
Now ain't the time for your tears.

William Zanzinger, who at twenty-four years
Owns a tobacco farm of six hundred acres
With rich wealthy parents who provide and protect him
And high office relations in the politics of Maryland,
Reacted to his deed with a shrug of his shoulders
And swear words and sneering, and his tongue it was snarling,
In a matter of minutes on bail was out walking.
But you who philosophize disgrace and criticize all fears,
Take the rag away from your face.
Now ain't the time for your tears.

Hattie Carroll was a maid of the kitchen.
She was fifty-one years old and gave birth to ten children
Who carried the dishes and took out the garbage
And never sat once at the head of the table
And didn't even talk to the people at the table
Who just cleaned up all the food from the table
And emptied the ashtrays on a whole other level,
Got killed by a blow, lay slain by a cane
That sailed through the air and came down through the room,
Doomed and determined to destroy all the gentle.
And she never done nothing to William Zanzinger.
But you who philosophize disgrace and criticize all fears,
Take the rag away from your face.
Now ain't the time for your tears.

In the courtroom of honor, the judge pounded his gavel
To show that all's equal and that the courts are on the level
And that the strings in the books ain't pulled and persuaded
And that even the nobles get properly handled
Once that the cops have chased after and caught 'em
And that the ladder of law has no top and no bottom,
Stared at the person who killed for no reason
Who just happened to be feelin' that way without warnin'.
And he spoke through his cloak, most deep and distinguished,
And handed out strongly, for penalty and repentance,
William Zanzinger with a six-month sentence.
Oh, but you who philosophize disgrace and criticize all fears,
Bury the rag deep in your face
For now's the time for your tears.

HORRRRRIBLE DREAM!

Thu, 29 May 2008 15:50:48 GMT

I had the worst dream so i am going to write it so i will never forget it.. it seriously scared the shit out of me.

Me and three people that i really dont know but i was best friends with... we went to asheville to see a show.
we stayed at this really old sketchy hotel and right before we were checking in someone shot and killed one of the boys i was with.
then we went to the little restaraunt in the hotel(no one knew he was killed except me). we ate and someone came and stabbed another one of my friends to death in the middle of the restaraunt, so me and the last girl we left but i left all my clothes mney cell phone i,d everything so i started freaking out thinking that the killers would track me down. we left asheville that night and i never saw the girl again. (then i woke up drank some water went back to to sleeP) so i tell people i do know what happened and everyone wants to go there had to of been like 10 of us going. the only people i really remember being there is Becca and Trey(fag)..you will see why in a second. we stayed at the same hotel and not much really happened this time.. i think one person was killed but i dont remember that much because what happened next is the scariest part of the entire dream. everyone brought a bunch of pills and shit well i took like 10 xanax and didnt remember a thing. the next morning i wake up and we are eating breakfast i think it was Becca and I and a couple other people and Becca pulls out these pictures and it is of Trey and i hooking up!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh! (thats the nightmare) i was screaming and crying not only in my dream but in real life. kenzie came in and was freaking out because i was freaking out so bad. Oh and not only did i hook up with Trey but he thought we were actually together. LIKE SERIOUSLY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i never want this to happen again!!!

Working causes bad dreams!

drank a whole jar of holy water

Thu, 01 May 2008 15:42:56 GMT

Its been like a freakin year since i have posted anything.
a lot has happened and i am glad.
I have made friends with old friends who i absolutely love and i have also kept friends with people who i am destined to help. i am person who wants the best for everyone(but even better for myself)
i have learned to understand true drug addicts and learned to love them for who they are without the herion. its not something you can just throw away especially when you have an attachment. i mean i couldnt just throw away stephen and that is the only way i can look at it. i am just here to help those people!!! if they dont want to be helped well fuck em.
anyways....
so much in my life has changed it is ridiculous.
i got a new job at wild wing i am doing prep so no more fucking customer service. (on the real!!!)
i love it.
my moved back on the 27th i am so happy but then again i dont think i am ready for her to be back i am not sure that i totally accept the reason she left in the first place. i can forgive but i cant forget and she deserted me(honestly) for someone who could give her nothing but a fucking bottle. i have a feeling my parents will soon be together again. who knows.
babies i love were ripped away.

i do know that i am deeply in love with stephen.
we have been through the absolute best times in our life and the worst and yet we can still make it together. i can see myself being with him for the rest of my life!! seriously. it showed the other day when we went to asheville
i mean stephen and i have so much in common but are so different we attract in about 29474597 ways. we love music.. i love dancing he loves dancing he lovea skateboarding and i love it too. i love to be around him... i love the way he does things. what i dont love is the way that people see him from the past. no one except for my self and like brooks hunter josh and ben know who stephen his now. he is grown up. he is 21 now. we go to the bar. he acts responsible. i love it... everything right now is good and i am happy. i have friends once again who i can come too.. i have a boyfriend who i am not fighting with at every hour of the day. i have a job i am ok with. dance is going. i am getting closer to finishing school
erykah badu is coming up
and then modest mouse,
i saw my loverrrrrrr lou reed the other day. amazing.

i am not sure how much happier i could be.
i mean my mind is constantly being atlered but i have it in the right state.
i am still me... jordan alyssa siek. i love music, i love my american pit bull terrier marley clementine taylor siek
( no matter how scared people are of him he would never hurt a person), i love stephen carlyle taylor, i love my family, i love the taylor family, i love that my mom has moved back to town, i love my friends i love the wonderful weather, i love my job, i love the people who love me, i love to dance, i love to drink, i love to smoke, i love herbs, i love water especially, i love healthy food, i love the drama that lets me laugh, i love comedians, i love the free year supply of vitamin water stephen recieved, i love the holiday inn with the flat screen tv, i love lou reed with his nasty yaknee attitude, i love that erykah badu and modest mouse will be coming soon, i love nc, i love my life.

my days are numbered and i try to take advantage of every minute, so i clean my car, i wash my dog, make art, and have intelligent conversations with people that aren't so intelligent.
i regret dropping out of school, but i dont regret leaving butler. this summer my intentions are to complete schoool COMPLETELY i will go to college in charleston, asheville, or somewere nice.

i am an adult and ready to live the life.

i need to take another trip soon is helps to clear my crazy mind!!!!!!!!!!

live your life drunk :]

where are the down ass people at?

Fri, 04 Jan 2008 04:05:36 GMT

there is no sex in the champagne room....

you know i really thought that the reason i have lost contact with a lot of my friends was because i spend so much time with stephen when in reality that isn't the case at all. the real reason is because they were never friends to begin with. i now have to find comfort in boys, motherfucking sweaty stank ass drug addict boys..... whats sad is i find it to be more entertaining to spend time with them then anyone else. they are funnier, help you out more, and you know they will have your back and are always down to chill. its crazy how that shit works out in the end. i really wish i could have some girlfriends in my life. i have my sister and i know she is there for me she cant get rid of me, and maybe that is really all i need. maybe i am really just beyond of this shit.......

news: if stephen and i are officially over i will be moving to florida within the next couple weeks. bid your farewells. :]
maybe there i can find some GIRLS that will actually have my back and befriend me. who knows? maybe it is me.

life of ryan sucks.
i am reading a good book: how to be happy dammit: a cynics guidce to spiritual happiness. check it out

life.

Thu, 06 Dec 2007 16:42:37 GMT

in three days i will be 18. i think i have said this way more than i should but it really does mean something to me because i can finnaly be treated the way that i have always acted. it is legal for stephen and i to date now. which really doesn't make much of a difference anyways. the only thing that sucks is i am loosing my insurance :[

i quit panera. i am soooo happy that i did. that fucking place was literally killing me and i feel for those who are still stuck in the hole.
i am continuing to work at wild wings cafe which is an enviornment that i love(atleast for now) i work at a bar where people are drunk all the time and i work with people who are just like me, so it really works for me and i love it. it is still work though and i don't like to work.

i heard wonderful news last night. my mom called my dad to see if i still had her resume on my computer. after they got off the phone i found out that my mom is trying to get her old job back.... HERE IN CHARLOTTE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! last night i was the happiest individual on the planet i went to bed with such a big smile on my face. i don't think anyone understands what i have been through with my mom not being here and living with my dad and though i have made it through the hard times it would be a blessing to have her back in my life full time!!!!! she was my best friend and my number one support!

stephen and i are pretty much on good terms. his stupid job is murdering him. third shift is a bitch, so there are those times when he acts like a complete douche. i have learned to ignore it though and just go home when he doesn't want to be bothered. other than when he is in those moods our relationship is just like it was when we first started dating. we are in love!!!!!!!!!

christmas is here agian and it's time for everyone to come together. december is always the happiest time of the year for me. i have lived the past week with a smile on my face everyday and i know it can only get better at this point.

LOVE

p.s MARLEY is also being good he listens and he is learning to adapt the freezing cold weather.

no one.

Thu, 01 Nov 2007 15:36:05 GMT

im independent now.
my relationship with stephen seems to be slowing fading away. it really sucks.
i don't know if we will ever break up though.
i think we love each other way to much and i don't either of us could survive with out the other.
i don't understand how skateboarding and hunter can be put before me??
oh well. im high and it is marley's first birthday. there is no reason to be upset about life.
plus i leave for the mountains tomorrow and i get to see my mom.
i need GIRLfriends again.

Mon, 11 Jun 2007 12:51:40 GMT

i won the dance scholarship this year and seriously i don't think i could be anymore happier!!!! i guess i won't be moving to florida after all, which kind of sucks because i won't be with my mom again but shit i get to dance for free next year. :-]

hopefully i am going to get paid today and i am going to be able to FINNNNNNAALLLY take Marley to vet i will probabaly end up spending the whole damn thing there but he needs it so bad, i don't even think i finished getting his puppy shots. plus he has ear mites and needs his rabies and get those balls chopped.

nationals is a month away. i don't know that i can wait that long. :-/

fuck i hate working. damnit.

Sun, 27 May 2007 23:50:06 GMT

i know half of the umbrella dance from umbrella(rihanna!), how hot!!!

Thu, 24 May 2007 15:42:11 GMT

my two favorite songs right now

rihanna-umbrella
john legend-pda

wtf? r&b.

bahh jim beam before work.
lifeguarding roolz!

Wed, 16 May 2007 19:32:12 GMT

i think i am just going to do it, and move to florida. there isn't shit up for here for me anymore besides dance. atleast i will have my mom again. :[

Mon, 14 May 2007 17:35:06 GMT

i've turned myself in what i said i wouldn't be. whatever though i don't have my mom anymore.

i'm happy people are home now from college it makes me like living here.

thursday-drink drink drink!
friday- drink drink! british peoples home.(garret twist)
saturday-lifeguard certification courses(suckdick) wedding rehersal..cry for no mom. blunt. pass out.
sunday-last moments with my mom :[ how miss her!!!! certifcation course(suckdick2). anger. wedding reception. drink drink drink!!!! cry for mom. sleep sleep with stephen.
monday- vodka(r) pad thai, mee krob. i love you stephen. i miss you mom.

these damn classes better make me lots of bank!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
the end-i'm drunk!!bye

edit-GUESSS WHO OT THE MOTHER FUCKIN BOUQUET. meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee! BAHAHHAHAHAHAHA!. STEPHEN I DO.!HDSBLFKJD

Wed, 02 May 2007 19:21:35 GMT

<a href="http://vids.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=vids.individual&videoid=2025894140">River Deep</a><br><embed src="http://lads.myspace.com/videos/vplayer.swf" flashvars="m=2025894140&type=video" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" width="430" height="346"></embed><br><a href="http://vids.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=vids.addToProfileConfirm&videoid=2025894140&title=River Deep">Add to My Profile</a> | <a href="http://vids.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=vids.home"> More Videos</a>

River Deep
highest scoring teen rountine- showstopper concord, nc

Tue, 01 May 2007 03:07:37 GMT

opium, get on that. :]

the best show.

Wed, 11 Apr 2007 19:34:04 GMT

i love milk chan.

poor little rich boy

Wed, 04 Apr 2007 22:50:55 GMT

the result of my mom being gone for a week= me back to drinking! :] go alchohlic drug addict.

i am very happy because i saw little b-rad today. i can't believe how much he has grown up. it mkes me sad.
he was my role model.

me being alone it a bad idea,.

i love my boyfriend
COLT 45 in the fridge. yeah bitch

youre so young youre so goddam young

Fri, 23 Mar 2007 02:01:20 GMT

Got a soundtrack in my mind,
All the time. Kids-
Screamin' from too much beat up
And they don't even rhyme,
They just stand there, on a street corner,
Skin tucked in
And meat side out and shot,
And I'd like to turn them down
But there ain't no knob.
Run into picket fences
Not into picket lines.
All this hippie-shit for the 60's
And another cliche for our time.
But a one of these days your heart
Will just stop ticking,
And they sorta just don't find you till your cubicle is reeking.

Thu, 22 Mar 2007 20:19:18 GMT

Tue, 06 Mar 2007 21:02:55 GMT

I pulled out the white dress.
If any of you know my wardrobe you know what i'm talking about.
haha i wore this dress almost everyday in the summer, i LOVE it! and i love that i can wear it because of the weather (despite the fact that isn't after memorial day)
no white after labor day.

meeee

Tue, 06 Mar 2007 04:36:39 GMT

I got a girl who lives with me
I got a girl she smells so sweetly
I got a girl she loves her dog
I got a girl I love her dog too!

I got a girl who stares in the mirror
I got a girl who blames it on her period
I got a girl she is so right
I got a girl shes my guiding light

Well I know, I need, I feel were going higher and higher
Well I know, I need, I feel were going higher and higher

I got a girl who loves good soul
I got a girl who dances to disco
I got a girl who wears cool shoes
I got a girl who wears them in the nude!

I got a girl who speaks her mind
I got a girl who will argue anytime
I got a girl she is so small
I got a girl shell knock down any wall

Well I know, I need, I feel were going higher and higher
Well I know, I need, I feel were going higher and higher

Get a load of this shes always bitching at me when Im feeling down,
Asking questions with her little frown,
I cant take much much more of this, Im out
Get a load of this shes always bitching at me when Im feeling down,
Asking questions with her little frown,
I cant take much much more of this , Im out....

I got a girl I love to kiss
I got a girl I never wanna miss
I got a girl shes my best friend
I got a girl that wont even hold my hand

I got a girl that makes me laugh
I got a girl Ill make her laugh too
I got a girl she has girlfriends
I got a girl I like her girlfriends!!

Well I know, I need, I feel were going higher and higher
Well I know, I need, I feel were going higher and higher

I got a girl
I got a girl
I got a girl
And shes got a guy

this song honestly could not represent stephen and me better. agree? haha

Thu, 01 Mar 2007 22:00:39 GMT

lil bow wow you just don't know the way you move so fast across the flo' i mean you run through my mind like all the time to the point that i just want to take you home.

Wed, 28 Feb 2007 12:56:20 GMT

yesterday was possibly the worst day..
my sister said that she is taking marley and she giving him to the vet to find a home and if they can't find a home for him then she is giving him to the animal shelter. i cried for hours... my heart is broken. :-(

but..
i think i am withdrawing from Butler.. !!!!! and starting homeschool. i'm not exactlly sure because absolutely nobody in my family will talk to me. finnaly though i got what i needed.(besides marley)

he is coming home!

Mon, 26 Feb 2007 12:14:07 GMT

I miss my pit Marley.

Sat, 24 Feb 2007 03:50:32 GMT

It’s breakfast time. What? Breakfast time.
Breakfast time. Yeah? Breakfast time.
Breakfast time. Huh? Breakfast time.
So come and get your breakfast on.

Now Eat It. E-E-Eat it.
Now chew it up. Ch-ch-chew it up.
Ya need it. N-n-need it.
It fuels you up, fuels you up, fuels you up, fuels you up.

It’s breakfast time, yeah breakfast time.
Feeds your body, feeds your mind.
Makes your muscles big and strong.
Keeps you going all day long.

Banana yogurt fruitshakes
Silver dollar pancakes.

Eggs over easy,
Bagel and cream cheesy

Oatmeal and strawberries
Cottage cheese and cherries.

Breakfast quesadilla
Peanut butter pita

Scrambled eggs and bacon
Soy strips of facon

Salmon and tomatoes
Huevos rancheros

Cereal and milk
Cereal and milk
Cereal and milk
Cereal and milk

Don’t forget about breakfast time.
Don’t forget about breakfast time.
Don’t forget about breakfast time.
Don’t forget about breakfast time.
Now Eat it!

VO: A reminder to eat breakfast everyday